Pause, Breathe, Observe: The Art of Stepping Out of Your Own Drama

So many times I’ve fallen down the hole of deep emotions, absorbing and soaking them into my very being until I convinced myself that they were my very being, only to emerge from them and look back at that person, not even recognising her. Yes, this was the loop I was constantly in.

Not sustainable and whiplashingly annoying! Before I went on my yoga teacher training, this was me. I still have those moments, and I often still get on the hormonal rollercoaster, but what I did learn is that my emotions are not me! They are not my soul or my true inner being.

Awareness was introduced into my life, becoming the witness and the observer of my life. I practised taking a pause and watching myself in third person, like I was watching a drama soap play out. I’d pause and think, “Isn’t it funny, Krupa, how you’re reacting to that?” or “I wonder what made you feel so triggered?” And nine times out of ten, that would bring me back to me—the truest version of me. The pause, the taking of a breath in and out, the viewing of myself instantly made me reflect, because my reactions were not a true representation of my soul.

We’re born vulnerable, pure, compassionate—the very essence of love in its brightest form. And I believe that as we move through life, layers are added, moment by moment, experience by experience, pain by pain. Within those layers, we’re also layered with sweet goodness, like love. All of those layers start to form around our true nature and inner self. We wear them for protection, often not even knowing if the layers are there to serve us or not, but we carry them. Maybe they’re not even our own layers—maybe just hand-me-downs, from generations, because that’s all they knew and all they had to pass down.

We ourselves become so disconnected from the inner self because we’re living in the layers, not even dropping down to the deeper self. The world has us living there, and every experience we encounter makes us respond and react from the top layers. Self-protection for our deepest wounds and the parts of us that have been hurt. Our brain constantly tries to keep us safe, almost seeking out evidence to prove why everything is a threat and why reaction is the best course of action.

But what if we took a step back? What if we took some layers off?! That itchy roll neck jumper that is not working anymore—the one your parents or society put on you through fear because that’s what they thought you needed? It might have been useful at some point in life, but you get to ask yourself if you still want to keep wearing it. Or do you want to know who you are without it? Who were you before you let experiences and pain fuse to your heart?

When we walk around like this, so disconnected from our truth and self, how the hell can anyone else around us actually get to us—beneath the layers? How do they get to see you for who you really are? I see beauty in others who walk naked with vulnerability, compassion, and love no matter how many layers they’ve endured. It’s art to me.

Swami Vivekananda, a Hindu monk and Vedanta philosopher, once said that “the true essence of a person is the Atman (the self), which is identical to Brahman (the universal consciousness).” He encouraged people to seek self-realization through spiritual practice and self-inquiry, aiming to recognize their oneness with the universe.

“You are not your thoughts; you are the observer of your thoughts.” – Swami Vivekananda

This was liberation for me. I thought, thank God, I’m free from fully identifying with my emotions and reactions! I was also free from analysing every emotion I experienced. I was able to separate myself, and in doing so, dial down the intensity of those emotions, because I—the observer—was in control. I was able to connect to my inner self through meditation, my asana practice, and simply taking a pause. Taking a step back and not allowing everything to bubble and fizzle at the very top layers of me and explode out into the world.

Most of my work—and what I’d call my purpose—is this: the unlayering process. It takes time, a lifetime even, to keep assessing and auditing the layers you have. Some we take off, and some we keep. The mind is not to be trusted all the time, but you can sit in the diplomatic, non-judgmental seat as the observer and challenge your mind and its processes. You can even sit in the purest seat as the observer and listen to your body. Sometimes it whispers, but quieting yourself enough to tune into its frequency is a ritual I believe we all should master.

What would it look like if you watched yourself in third person?

Love,

Krupa 🧡