maybe it just is

because not everything needs to be understood to be healed. some things just need to be lived through.

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to understand everything. Every emotion, every shift, every time life doesn’t go to plan. It’s like I thought the more I could name it, the safer I’d feel. If I could find the reason, then I could control it. But half the time, there isn’t a reason. Not one you can get to by thinking anyway.

I see it with clients all the time. The digging. The analysing. The need to find the absolute truth behind every feeling. They come to me with journals full of theories about why they are the way they are. They’ll say things like, I think it’s my attachment style, but also maybe my dad, or the pandemic, or my inner child… and I’m just like, maybe you’re just sad today. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you don’t need to fix it or turn it into a metaphor. Sometimes it just is. There ain’t always an answer…and if there is..it’s not likely to show itself through you turning yourself inside out for it.

And that’s the hardest part, right? Accepting that there isn’t always a why. Because the moment you stop searching for the why, you’re left with the what. What’s here now. What’s actually happening in your body, your breath, your life. Most people don’t want that part. They want to understand so they can bypass the discomfort. They think the knowing will free them and everything will be solved….it rarely does because freedom is found in the letting go.

I used to live in that constant self-analysis loop. Like my brain was CCTV on my own life. Tracking every reaction, every micro shift in mood, every tiny piece of feedback from people around me. Self-surveillance is such a thing. I see it everywhere. And here’s what I’ve realised - the people who struggle to hold compassion for others, the ones who nitpick and judge and find fault in everything, are usually the ones policing themselves the hardest. You can’t offer softness to others when you live under your own microscope.

The subconscious loves certainty. It loves patterns. It doesn’t care if they’re painful..it just wants to predict what’s next. That’s why we keep analysing things long after they’re over. The mind’s like, if I can just understand this properly, I’ll never be hurt again. But that’s not how it works. The subconscious repeats whatever we rehearse. So if we keep replaying the pain looking for closure, all we’re really doing is deepening the groove of it. We become fluent in the very thing we want to move beyond.

From the lens of Vedanta, the mind isn’t who we are anyway. It’s a tool…a beautiful, chaotic, brilliant tool but not the Self. The Self just witnesses. The mind judges, names, dissects, interprets. The Self observes. And the more I live that, the more peace I find. Because the Self doesn’t need to know why. It just is. When I remember that, I stop arguing with reality. I stop turning every wave into a riddle for me to solve. I just feel it, let it move through, and carry on.

This is what I mean when I talk about self-trust. It’s not about having every answer. It’s trusting that you don’t need one to take the next step. That you can move even while you don’t fully understand. That you can sit in the fog and still know who you are. Self- trust is built when you know you can hold yourself in the unknown.

So when clients come to me desperate for clarity, I tell them : what if there’s no absolute truth? Will you still be okay? Clarity comes from breathing into the moment that doesn’t make sense yet, from releasing the need to name every sensation, every emotion, every event. When you stop turning your experience into an examination, life starts to breathe again.

It’s funny how much lighter everything feels when you stop being your own detective. When you stop turning your emotions into evidence. When you stop trying to be the smartest person in your own healing. Some things don’t reveal themselves because they’re not supposed to. They’re meant to pass through, not be solved.

I used to think that understanding was the same as growth. But now I think growth is what happens when understanding isn’t available and you keep living anyway. When you keep opening. When you trust that life isn’t always trying to teach you something…sometimes it’s just happening.

So yeah. Maybe it just is. Maybe there ain’t always a reason. Maybe the most spiritually advanced thing we can do is let the mystery stay mysterious. Feel what’s here. Move how we’re moved. And leave some space for life to be unexplainable. Because that’s where the Self sits ..in the space that doesn’t need a story.

p.s. this is the work i teach… learning to stay steady in the unknown. to breathe when your mind wants answers. to trust yourself when life doesn’t make sense yet.

🧡