Am I diluting the very thing they need from me?

This is what I ask myself every time I try and show up online

This is what I ask myself every time I try and show up online, mainly Instagram. I have such a love-hate relationship with it. Of course, it’s not Instagram’s fault… it’s most probably mine… well, I know it’s mine.

I have this thing about being seen fully in that world. And now that my actual business is all about being seen, it makes it even worse. I want to say so much..and I do, for the most part. More in my 1:1 client work. They get to see the fullness of my work and what I teach. But the rest of the world doesn’t, which makes me ask this question.

I’m a multilayered, complex, multi-everything person and I’m always creating, pivoting, switching things up. I hate being called just one thing or being boxed into a ‘niche’. yes, a fucking niche. I hate that word. Everyone tells me I need a niche!

Right now, I’m navigating a lot. I feel like my world is changing in the exact way I asked for, but I don’t want to move into it just yet. I’m scared I don’t have the tools or the confidence to level up… even though secretly I know there’s no other choice. It’s where I want to go and grow.

I’m in the middle. Like doing the splits, with one foot in belonging and the other in becoming. Eeek. And it hurts bad sometimes.

I want to be okay with being seen online and sharing my gifts and my work, but this resistance… it’s something I need to sit with for a while. Especially as feelings, situations, and seasons pass by. Because maybe it’s not being seen that’s the problem. Maybe Instagram’s just not my thing? Maybe I could just keep writing here and find my people here. Definitely feels safer.

Behind the scenes of being ‘seen’ is a lot… ideas, theories, ways I could build my empire. How I could work, who I could work with, what I could sell, create, make. But do I trust myself to make it happen? That’s the journey. That’s what I’m supposed to learn in this exact moment of time.

I’ve always tried my hardest to practice what I preach. My teachings have always been my lessons. But this transition - entrepreneurship / business owner / self-employed….it’s the ultimate test. The real level-up that I’ve been working towards.

And all my stuff comes up. The avoidance. The dodging. The hiding. The things I find boring. The little details I need to focus on. I know if I want the life I deserve… or at least choose… these are the things I need to go through. Not around. Not in a zig-zag way. But head on. With consistency, discipline, and devotion.

And funnily enough, deep down, those are the very things I desire in all areas of my life.

Surprise… it means I need to bring it.

Anyway, this is my journal entry for today and where I’m at…

The next year for me is about walking this path. Not abandoning myself. Not escaping when things get hard. But trusting myself. Holding myself. And walking in courage.

And never diluting the thing the world needs from me.

love

Krupa xxx